You won't really care at all what I have to say. But I am going to tell you anyway. So a lot has gone on with me. This year has truly been a mental ride for me. But without it I guess I wouldn't be sitting here writing this. 

First of all; my final major project is going well! I am predicted a distinction, which I was thrilled about, but also slightly intimidated by. I now feel I HAVE to get it; other wise I will be majorly disappointed in my self. That's just me. 

BUT. It is going well; I have filled one and a half sketchbook; which has literally blown my mind. But anyway, I have taken some photographs, some pleased with, some not so much! I went on a shoot last Friday which was interesting. Half my face was the size of a puffer fish (I''ll let you in on that one in a while); the weather was rubbish, and I dragged myself, three friends, a stool, two umbrellas, a tripod, camera and a mountain of other stuff. We slid our way through mud, and made it into the woods with out falling over! Which was a delight, because my photos wouldn't have held the same effect with a white dress covered in shit. To my delight, the woods was full of areas of blue bells. It was beautiful! I felt bad trampling over them all. But anything for art aye! I also never knew you wern't meant to pick blue bells. For that, I am eternally sorry. Please don't hate me. 

I have edited some of the photographs, and they are okay I guess, but I feel they were all a bit rushed. I was so eager to get out the rain, and get back to bed. (My painkillers were wearing off, and I had paracetamol with me but no water) Tablets are hard enough to swallow with water. However; I have a good idea of what to do for my next shoot; I'm excited about using film, and a medium format camera. I like trying out new things, and this way I can learn from last time and take my time. It just needs to be bloody sunny. So sick of this damn rain. 

I am having my stitches removed tomorrow! For an operation that I had last Thursday. I was approved for funding on the NHS, for an implant. No; not for boobies, or my bum. For my tooth. Apparently I had a 'developmentally missing tooth' which I am yet to find out what that one means. But regardless, it meant I (or my parents) did not have to pay something ridiculous like £4000. I know i exaggerate a lot. But this really is no exaggeration. I didn't get put to sleep, and I was fucking nervous. Hands shaking and everything. I don't like the dentist at the best of times, and I had to endure 3 hours of it. They numbed me, and it was rather strange, shit was going on in my mouth, and I couldnt see or feel anything (most of the time). I guess if I had seen what went on, I probably would have been physically sick. I woke up days after with my face so swollen. I looked like a bit of a special. (I couldn't find any other way to describe it; no offence meant) I had to call in sick to work; which was annoying; but I guess these things happen. Will be worth it in the end!

University... It is official (If I pass my course, which I fucking hope I do after the work I have done) I am going to University. Lincoln to be precise. Applied for my accommodation, and nearly cried at the thought of how much debt I will actually be in in 3 years time. But. I am so excited at the thought of it. Today; it dawned on me that this is what I actually want to do for the rest of my life. I want to create, take pictures. I love it, and don't really love anything else like I do photography. I was also watching music videos, of those beautiful songs I love, and getting excited that I will learn about film! It is another skill to add to your index, makes you better than someone else, and I guess that is never a bad thing. All in all I am bloody happy right now. It all felt very strange and emotional when I kind of realized. I guess because, I always thought photography; as much as I loved it was just a hobby, not a career. I couldn't see my self doing it full time. Not only that, but I have never ever known really what I wanted to do in the future. I am saying this now, and I'm not saying this is what I will end up doing, I have no idea what might happen along the way, but I am happy and that is ALL that matters. 

Last thing to say. I saw Bastille; with my favorite girl Ally. I seriously love that band so flipping much. Never felt so girly and obsessed before. Music seriously makes everything better! Looking forward to seeing them in June. Who knows- maybe I will be photographing them, and filming their music videos in future. A girl can dream can't she.

Sorry to ramble!

Be happy & Stay happy

Laterz Potaterz 

xoxo M,

 

So it is currently 10:23pm on a cold Thursday night and it is snowing outside.

Today was average; good average but I won't lie, this week has been incredibly tough on me. I am pretty much struggling to write this now as I'm still pretty fragile about the whole situation. I'll survive. I'm obviously just being over-dramatic. 

I have been feeling exhausted, lethargic and pretty lazy for the past few months. To the point where not actually wanting to doing anything, is getting pretty irritating for once! I have been to the doctors on numerous occassions. Once telling me to keep a diary. Which is pointless. Since when did diaries make you better, and who actually has the time and patience to write in "I'm tired today" everyday when it is filled up already with copious amounts of college tasks and babysitting dates. The other trips consisted of seeing my actual doctor. Who is actually extremely good. I am thankful for this. He asked me all the right questions and sent me off for blood test #1. So my platelets are low. Which apparently maybe the cause for my general crap feeling. I was due for another in six weeks. As if I could wait that long. So I went back to the doctors on Monday pretty much sitting down and saying nothing but "I'm still exhausted" He sent me for blood test #2. What has this got to do with my tough week I hear you scream? Well I was due for an appointment yesterday. I drove my lazy ass down there and PAID for parking as I simply didn't have the energy to walk down the high street to the doctors or spend £5 of my hard earned cash in ASDA. Turns out that my platelets were still low, but that not all of my test results had come through. So I have to wait until they do. Yes; I Paid £1.60 to park when I didn't even need to go to the doctors. Alanis Morissette springs to mind. I walked out the doctors, and pretty much wanted to cry. I held myself together, but I was feeling pretty tired yesterday and my emotions were at the edge I guess.

I went to my best girls house, and sat on her mattress on a floor with no carpet (currently redecorating-not tramps) and had a good catch up as I hadn't really seen her in weeks. We were talking about what we were doing in our studies, and I was talking about university and how yet again I changed my mind and actually wanted to go. (For now anyway). I left after a couple of hours as I had things to do concerning college and wanted an early night. I thought I'd actually do some work for college, as I spent the whole day being extremely unproductive. 

So I have my emails open pretty much most of the time and they come through at their leisure. I checked them, to find that UCAS track had sent me an email saying to log on as it had been updated. This was it. I had sent off an email to Falmouth containing an online portfolio, which I worked hard to complete. I had to write an essay and another short piece of writing, as well as get 20-30 images ready all to be sent of within two weeks. I did this, regardless of being very ill on the day of the deadline. I logged on to track and saw the words "Unsuccessful" Shit. It happened again. Just like last year. Rejection is harsh and is not dealt well with by me. I was in tears for most of the night. It was my first choice. I fell in love with it as soon as I set eyes on their facilities. I had always said that I was never 100% sure on going to university, or committing to photography full time, but I enjoy it now so why not if you can't decide on anything else. But when I saw Falmouth I always secretly wanted to go even if I didn't let on. I also said I wouldn't get attached to one particular place. I did. And it broke my heart. After crying, eating a load of calorific fridge cake, and listening to a lot of Ben Howard at full volume in my headphones I went to bed and decided that tomorrow would be a new day. This day was going to be better, productive and happy. Which happened, I also went shopping and bought two new pairs of shoes for a tenner. Bargain!

Enough of the boring life story. Here is the generic, "moral teachings of life" bit. I came across this on Tumblr when I was searching for inspiration for my college project. 

It said:

"I don't think feelings change, nor people, I think situations do. I know that it's possible to dislike someone after loving them so much, or to love someone after feeling so much hate towards them but, it's not because people change, it's because it's not the same. It's because something made you think differently, something opened your eyes. Something caused you to see everything the way it is at last. It's like days. Days can be cloudy, or days can be sunny. Days don't change, the weather does. And nothing can play a part in that or fix it, they can just let it be."

I suppose what I'm getting at is that it is you and me that will make something good or bad. I think? I felt pretty shit after my day yesterday. I wanted to give up to be frank. I sat there after saying i'd do some work and did nothing. I guess that is just a way of getting over it personally. I wanted to do nothing but cry and let it all out. I'm gutted and will be until something better comes a long, then I will say what I always say. "That everything was meant to be". I always work hard, and say I'm going to just forget it all and not bother when something bad happens. But I'm not a quitter. Instead maybe I should use the bad things and use it to excel further. I have no idea what I mean really. Getting into my favourite university doesn't affect my health, or my family or the whole life I have ahead of me. At the end of the day, it is me who affects the life I have ahead of me. As shit as days might be, I need to stay positive. Things will be okay in the end. If it's not okay? Well it's not the end is it.

Funnily enough, all of that made me feel slightly better. I congratulate you if you managed to get this far! Hurrah for you! 

xoxo Maria

So right now, I could kill an ant or something. I wrote some heart felt (ha) blog and things, and it decides to all of a sudden be like. "Something went wrong, oops" So great. I have to write it again. 

I am so happy studying my foundation at Reigate Art School. I would call it East Surrey College; but personally it is full of chavs (sorry) minus the art department. So Reigate Art School sounds far more superior. I'm so happy studying photography at the moment, and have literally just about got my portfolio together ready for print. God knows what would have happened if I decided to specialize in Graphics. I probably would have disliked art more than ever. Which would pretty much be the end of life for me & also I would moan even more than I do now. Which I don't think is humanely possible. I do actually love life, and when i'm positive I feel awesome. As let's face it; there are plenty worse off people than me. PLENTY. Remember that- however shitty life may get or whatever horrific situation you may be in someone will always be having a worse time. ALWAYS. 

Enough of the moral talk, (for the second time and on to what I actually wanted to talk about)

So I found this photographer on facebook. He goes by the name of Luke Takes Photos (not actually his real name). I probably came across him by Gabrielle Aplin (who you should check out because she is bloody good too) on the way back from Berlin after being stuck on a coach for 12 hours. We had just hit the UK so my 3G on my beloved iPhone went on. Facebook went on.and bang. I liked it within seconds (feel special). 

His work is beautiful, so dreamlike, yet believable. Even though it is him being a master at Photoshop, which I will ALWAYS be jealous of. I hate editing photos. I have gone off the whole idea by the time I've taken my photographs. I will learn someday. Any way, 

I can't really say what I like about his work. I just know that I do. I'm awful at these technical descriptions and analysis'. I had enough of that at GCSE and A Level, and even then I was crap at it. I don't know whether it is the compositions of the photographs, the subtle hazy like filters on some of the images he produces, or purely the narrative behind the photographs that I love so much. Katie Hammond's portraiture work also reminds me slightly. Just slightly, I think of Luke's work. 

ALSO for all of you (which means like, no one but myself) he is running a competition on his Facebook. He currently stands at 2608 'likes' on facebook. (if I could ever get that many likes on my page (which is www.facebook.com/cakebymariablackstone btw.) I would probably scream with excitement, then die from it and let's face it- that wouldn't be good for anyone) Once he gets to 3000 likes he will give away one of his prints to 3 lucky individuals. So get liking (I will post the link at the end of this post).

So check out his stuff, you won't be disappointed. 

Hurrah. Second time lucky.

Links:

Go buy Gabrielle Aplin's EP Home here: http://itunes.apple.com/gb/album/home-ep/id484070951

Go and like Luke Takes Photos here : https://www.facebook.com/Luketakesphotos

Check out his flickr here : http://www.flickr.com/photos/lukesharratt/

ALSO- Check his partner in crime : 

Kiwi Rose Photography here : https://www.facebook.com/kiwirosephoto

:) Big Love X

The Curious Wind by Luke Takes Photos: 

But yay! It is slowly getting there. I will soon work on graphics and logo's etc. etc. Get my website looking beautiful as you. Yes you are beautiful. Why I hear you scream? Because you are reading this! :)  

Photographs for 2 of 3 galleries are up. :) one cheer for me!

Speak to you soon!  

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